Live It Up While You Still Can!

I told a buddy that S couldn’t come to a party he was having because she’s pregnant and has been hitting the sack early. He wrote back, “No worries re: tonight. But do remember to have a few nights out before that possibility is all over…”

That’s not the first time I’ve been told that having a kid means kissing your social life goodbye, and it bothers me.

I know that this assumption is partly based on a reality. Having a newborn means providing care 24/7, and raising a child in general means fewer nights out raging till the break’a dawn, and less spontaneous decision making. Plenty of parents allow having a child to change their entire lifestyle. Our friend B told us about a close friend she feels dropped her after the woman had a baby. At first the woman only wanted to do things where she could take the baby along – like coffee dates, but no nights out and no bars. But then the woman got so busy with the family that she stopped coming out and calling altogether.

Some friends have told us, “You’ll meet a lot of people with babies, and start hanging out with them.” Implying that we will only want to be friends with other parents, as if the world is broken into those with kids and those without, and the two shall never mix. Though maybe that’s partly true too. My friends are mostly white, college educated, and heterosexual – will they start being mostly parents now too? I hope not. I have a lot of friends who don’t want to have children any time soon.

We don’t plan on letting a baby seriously hamper our socializing, but then again, we’re not huge party people. Mostly we just go out for dinners and drinks with friends, something a kid could be a part of. In Brooklyn, couples out with babies are common. This summer we saw plenty of parents and children attending the free concerts in Prospect Park. There are even plenty of kid friendly bars in the area, some within baby monitor distance (so we can just leave the kid at home – jk). In Europe, we saw parents out with kids to dinner, bars, cafes – whatever. They were part of their parents’ lives.

When people predict the end of my social life, I’ve considered responding, “If you believe that then you obviously aren’t mature enough to be a parent.” But instead I’ve backed down and let it go. Before S and I seriously started talking about what it would mean to have a child, I used to think the same thing myself. They obviously don’t know any better.

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2 Responses to “Live It Up While You Still Can!”


  1. 1 cindym November 17, 2008 at 12:36 am

    i think Europe is so interesting w/r/t babies. i remember sitting at a cafe in paris last summer and this couple pulled up with their giant stroller, parked it, and had a lovely aperitif and watched the sun go down. the baby just squirmed around happily and everybody admired him, and they all just seemed so content. i think it would be pretty easy to go to France, Italy or maybe Spain with a baby in tow – but what the hell do i know? 😉

    you’re lucky to live in brooklyn. SF is a baby-free-zone. i think it has the lowest # of kids per capita of any city, or something.

  2. 2 briangresko November 18, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I think it’s good for kids to go out and learn how to behave properly at restaurants. My folks used to take us out at least once a week. We brought books with us and drew pictures and played word games at the table — it was fun. I’m all for getting out and about with baby!


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