Later Friday Morning, September 26

Friday morning I’m churning with the news that S might be pregnant, or is pregnant, or what; I’m all abuzz, even though at breakfast we said we shouldn’t say anything until we find out for certain. But I need to talk it out with someone, so I call L, a friend from school. She kind of started this whole thing, because on Wednesday night I told her how S had been really tired all week, and then went on to describe how S was feeling on the verge of getting sick, all crampy and nauseous and not in the mood for food, and L said, “Sounds like she’s pregnant.” As soon as she said it it struck me that she might be right, though I dismissed it. We hadn’t been trying for very long. It couldn’t have happened so soon.

Then on Thursday morning S once again couldn’t decide what to bring to work with her for lunch because “Nothing looks appealing.” So I said, “Maybe you’re pregnant,” and later that night, before I came home from my tutoring session, she gave herself the first test, though she didn’t tell me about it.

So on Friday morning I email L and say that I have something to talk to her about that is totally MAJOR but I can’t say what is and she’ll have to call me. And she does, and she’s excited, and she says, “How do you feel?”

And it just came right out of me with no hesitation: “Well, I think I feel ready. No, I do, definitely, I’m ready for this. We’ve been talking about having a baby for so long, and thinking about having a baby, and you know, a few years ago I would have been so freaked out, but I’m actually ready. I’m ready to be a father. I’m going to be a father!”

Suddenly the muck of nervousness and fear that had gotten stirred up got settled down and I felt really happy, really proud of the idea, and all glowy inside. Bursting. I’m going to be a father – how cool is that!

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